The Last Love Letter
78
My love,
Thank you for responding. I'd hoped for a different message, but I understand your too little, too late. I'm not going to ask for forgiveness again, I understood that as well. I apologized for things that weren't my fault, and never did anything to resolve the things that actually were.
So many thoughts ran through my mind upon reading your letter. I realized that I lied to you, I didn't know that I was lying at the time, but I don't really want to let go and move on. I was both euphoric to feel in my bones that you still love me and devastated to comprehend that you don't want me anymore. It was very difficult to read through all of that, because every word you wrote spoke of love and in the same breath carried the weight of goodbye with it.
Nevertheless, I thank you for having the courage to say the things I never had the courage to say, and I thank you for showing me your heart and your mind. The sight of your naked soul breaks my heart, tears me to shreds, as does the knowledge that I may have lost all chance with you. Too little, too late, and I just have myself to blame for it.
I lament all the years I was a coward, all the times I wanted you and didn't tell you, all the pain I caused us both. I lament to have needed you so much and for so long that I'll now die a slow death if I can't have you. You don't want to die from me, yet you're killing me with your goodbye. I imagine you'll be angry when you read this, but what the point in keeping this from you anymore.
I wish things could have been different. Sadly, things just aren't, we make them, as I made my destiny and now have to live through it, needful, sorrowful, repentant and alone. I don't suppose you'll excuse this bout of self-pity, but I prefer to sound pathetic rather than prideful, I'm really beyond shameless at this point.
Is it pathetic to beg you not to let me go? Is it pathetic to scream at you not to be a fool, because you also love me? Is it pathetic to want you and need you and love you enough to lose all pride and shame in an attempt to win you back? Your heart is mine, I have to try and change you mind. I have to, even if it's a moot and ridiculous point because you let me go years ago. I have to try because I don't want to make the same mistake again. It was all too little and too late before, this time at least I need to try.
I'm quite hopeless that this letter will make any difference, that this story will have a different ending, but I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't at least try one last time. I'm shameless when it comes to you. You were so right, I also lived half a life, and I will continue to live half of one until I am with you. You waited very long to hear from me, and I will wait that time and longer for you. Please don't die from me, die with me.
I love you, I always have.
More letters
The first letter: Not a Love Letter
The second letter, in response: A Love Letter
The third letter: A Hopeless Love Letter
In love: Love Letters. 100 words to tell you that I love you
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ooo!! your hub is full of emotions! I really like it!! Is it dedicated to a particular person?
Beautiful. I'm going to have to go back and read all of them!
Want to let you know I read this. Thank goodness I hadn't left yet! Very powerful. I am going to read all in order tonight and then comment. I do still need to read Now for the important question past the comments section. Let me just say from now, Wow. Okay, get back to you tonight.
Teresa – Your comment blows my mind. To make you think of Casablanca? Wow and double wow! I have no clue what I'd feel if I got this letter. I know it makes sense with the feelings of the writer of A Love Letter, though. Someone who's realized what they had and let go won't be prone to repeat the mistake and will try their damnest to prevent love from escaping again. I can't believe these letters helped you put a ghost to rest. I'm awed by the notion.
Gin – It's dedicated to people in love, people who were in love and lost it, people who had love in front of them and didn't see it, people who will never love again like they loved the first time... if this is to your liking, maybe you'd like to read the first three letters –this is the last in the series.
SoulaBee – I was thinking of publishing a hub with the bundle of them. I thought it could make someone's life easier, maybe. Your comment kinda gives value to that thought :-) Thank you for reading, and enjoy the previous letters!
Frieda – You have got to read "the important question", I think it's an *important* part of these letters :-) I'll await your commentary on this final one in the series!
GT, gonna watch the video, BRB!!
Absolutley beautiful!!! And was it possibly something that happened to you? Or is it purely fictional????
GT, that fits so very well, you poet you!!
Did I disappoint you, Or leave a bad taste in your mouth, You act like you never had love, And you want me to go without,
Well it's... Too late Tonight, To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to Carry each other, Carry each other
jjrubio -- Wouldn't you like to know if this happened to me? ;-) I send a question back at you: who hasn't gone through a story like this, in one form or another?! In any case, these four letters are entirely fictional! Or are they? ;-) Besos, and thanks for the visit :-)
ok... I will read all previous letters!! Thank you for advice!!
In Heaven one day we shall be lovers...G-ma :O) hugs & Peace
G-Ma, that's the spirit! BIG Besos to you!!! :-*
No te quiero mas. I hope that was right you.... argghhhhhhh! I was rooting for a happy ending and now I have to dream of it! :-P
Ayer, dreaming will be good for you, darling. And that was very good. Not that I care if you me quieres o no. Now go dream, go go go ;-)
Damn, just watched the U2 video -- hadn't heard the song for years -- thanks to Toad for reminding me of that one.
Elena, it's not what I was expecting at all!
There's a desperation to it. That desperation that I felt under the surface of the others came out. At first, I doubted that there should have been a response, but after reading, I see you're right. This one was needed to complete the story for us. It was obvious this person wasn't ready or willing to move on with the last letter, and to not have said all of this would have left an awkward feeling of incomplete for those of us looking in.
But if I switch gears and take on the role of receiver rather than spectator, this would almost anger me. I've moved on. I've explained to them my feelings and my reasons, and the fact that they refuse to accept the ending would be a source of frustration.
See, how do manage to evoke so many strong emotions with just these few words, Elena?
And GT, I've always loved that song!!
Hey there Eleni. So I went back and read them all in order. There is a definite finality to this letter. It seems somehow clearer and more level headed than the other ones. I know people see desperation, and there is, but it is not a whishy washy desperation, there is firmness here. It is somehow more mature, less written on a whim? I know that you had specific ideas about these letters and they were written with purpose and you cleverly thought of everything. This is just my brief interpretation.
While there is finality, there is still future hope in it. I feel that one of two things could happen now, they will never meet again, holding onto eachothers letters and weeping when they pull them out, perhaps even one or the other dying with their letters received in their grasp... or they will meet again, even if it's at the very end, one will one day end up at the doorstep of the other.
Teresa is right about it being remenisce of Cassablanca.
Teresa & Laughing Mom, GT did hit the jackpot with that song, didn't he?!
Laughing Mom – Dare I ask what you expected? Methinks I better not, least I have to come up with another one! :-)
It's kind of meaningful how your comment and Frieda's complement each other. There is desperation –as one would expect in a last attempt at attaining the unattainable. This person needed to write this least they spend the rest of their lives wondering if they should have at least tried. They didn't the first time around, so it's good that they learned that lesson at least.
Now, the recipient? I'd expect them to be raving mad. But that's me, and not really them, because this isn't me, or is it? :-)
Frieda -- like I said in my answer to LM, it's eerie how your comments complement each other! This letter is indeed more measured. The others were pure feeling, this one's after something with a name, it's not vague and indefinite, it wants something –maybe an unattainable something, but something that the writer still tries to attain. I think you interpreted very well the whole "series". And about the future, your call is as good as mine –I hope you read the postscript below the comments :-)
Just thinking that these eternally not-lovers may die with each others letters in their grasp makes me weep!
Casablanca – you guys overwhelm me!
Beautifully written, and appropriate.
Still a big question mark. I like it that way.
Thank you, Christa!, muchas gracias!
Randy, yes, big question mark -- which I'm not going to resolve, it's up to your romantic heart to do so, if you wish! :-*
This letter needed to be written. oh l'amour, the things that you make me do and forsake :D
Oh l'amour, indeed! Je t'aime et toi non plus mon chere... dagger to my heart, making it bleed... eternally :-*
Cool avatar Cris, my man! You give me an idea -- I'm gonna change mine for the day. A Sunday special avatar!
we get a glimpse?!!!!!
Hang in there, GT. I was getting ready to read your new piece! After that you'll get a glimpse ... but of what? ;-)
hopefully, the smile.
anxiously waiting to hear your thoughts.
Changed the profile avatar -- today only, ladies and gents -- that'd be me attempting a streaptease --- but I think I almost peed myself from laughing before I could get past the button fly. Whoops!
HAHAHA, YES!!!!!!
I'm heading off to bed now, nice to meet you Elena, before I doze off, I am going to play Hotel California and imagine all of us hubbers dancing in a hall, the wine is being passed around, we are all smiles as the spirits take hold. good nite.
I take it you approve, GT :-) Somehow, I'm not sure this side of me goes well with this hub --- where's the image of the tortured letter writer now? Laugh!
GOOD NITE TO YOU, sweet dreams!
Where are the damned tissues? :((
First, beautifully written, and this wrenches my heart. For me, I understand the sender's need to give it one last attempt, but it does seem so incredibly desperate and sad. The really heart wrenching part for me is that it doesn't sound like this person (at this point anyway) can move on if this last attempt results in a NO. It sounds like she/he is acknowledging that what remains forever will be a half life as it has been since the other person left. :(
I LOVE the avatar picture! Now that put a smile on my face. Strip tease huh? You vixen you! :)
Pam, sorry that I forgot the tissues! It does sound like the person is stuck, that's desperate and sad. But who can blame them for trying one last time? No guts no glory, no pain no gain... I think it's kind of "honorable" that they learned the lesson this time around, even if it's too little too late. If you'd like to cheer up a little, please read the "important question" below the comments, and then go dream a bit. Besos to you!
And I know about the avatar..... Who knew I could be such a catty babe, eh? Unlike you, all covered up! Laugh!
Sorry I missed that! I never scroll beyond the last comment.
Love doesn't need to have a happy ending, although I may now create one in my mind for these two letter writers. :) And love is genderless. The emotion of these letters goes beyond caring about gender.
I understand about love that seems to never be at the right time or place. It sucks, and it leaves a wounded, longing place in your heart. I was in love with a guy for the longest time, at least 10 years. When he was available, I wasn't and the reverse. Our paths would cross frequently over those 10 years, and it was always like two ships passing in the night. I still think of him.
Hey! My daughter helped me with that picture, and I'm trying to create an air of MYSTERY!! Don't go hatin' cause I'm not stripping too! lol! :D But maybe that'll be next. ;) hehe!
"Like two ships passing in the night". Ahhhh. I may just borrow that as sub-title for the compilation of the letters. I'm not surprised you still think of him, like this letter writer may think of their non-lover forever. Damn, it's me needing the tissues now! I may just need to take a deep breath and also do a bit of my own dreaming now!
You tease! :-) And you manage it without the strip in front! Laugh!
Elena, I have read your other "love letters". Now I am wiping my eyeglasses while writing this comment. And I'm starting to have a runny nose. The persona in your letters could have been me.The beauty of the written word as poetry in the form of a love letter is that it shakes the reader.When one is shaken, he/she is never the same again afterwards.
I agree with your post script. When love ends or when it is unrequited, it is still love. It is still love with all the ferocity of wanting to do good for the loved one from a distance or just quietly. I know of cases who live through life strengthened by the thought that they have loved. The constant force is the feeling that the one who loved, at least, has loved at all. Others would disagree with this. But I would have another comment for that.
Hello, francia -- I'm going to have to add some tissues at the bottom of the hub. When I revisit this, and the comments left, I get a bit of a runny nose myself.
I am glad you agree with the postscript -- love is love is love is... It doesn't matter that it's not requited, or lost, or from a distance, it still IS. Thaks for the heartfelt comment.
Whew..I think I'm hungry...I'm getting to be hungry when I'm feeling emotional these days. I'm just pondering about life and love and everything in between. And sometimes the choices we make lead us to a place of joy or regrets. And it reminds me beautifully to keep on choosing the path to love. Thank you my dear friend Elena for sharing your heart. :-) I hug you dearly.
Besos & hugs to you, ripple :-*
That was so heart felt and vulnerable. Beautifully written.
Thanks, cashmere!
I enjoyed reading this collection-a profile in honesty and the sincerity of feelings that can never really be controlled but on the contrary are the controllers. Unrequited love has been through the centuries the sweetest love and the stories that are the most remembered.
Well put, Paris. I wonder how "controlling" these feelings were, though, considering they always showed up at the wrong times.... ah well :)
Elena, You've captured the essence of a part of love that has (I believe) no name. And yet I know many, many of us have been there. The utter futility -- both still in love with each other, but acknowledging the impossibility of continuing. Not quite unrequited love. Semi-unrequited love, perhaps?
Lovely, lovely piece. MM
Hello, Mighty! Semi-unrequited, I like that :-) Good way to put it, because in fact it was requited, just never showed up at the right time. Much as Hollywood would like this story to have a different ending, I perfectly understand how real life would have it end it this way. And from your comment on futility, I think you understand :-) Thanks for the very kind words.
Wasn't it Emerson who said, "Thou art to me a delicious torment"? Quite an emotional journey you've traveled and shared. There is almost nothing worse than a missed opportunity at love.
Hi Midtown Girl, you're right, *almost* nothing is worse than missing a chance except screwing it up oneself.... then again, I'm sure you'll agree with me that hindsight is a great thing, right? :-) Missed opportunities are generally only so with hindsight.
Thanks for your comment!
i got a question this might sound dumb but ima still ask but how can you know that somebody really love you & cares bout you how can you really tell that..because i really want to know so i want be looking like im lost r something,so can somebody tell me how can i really tell that somebody really love me & really care bout me..! ii want some oppoions..!
very nice and awesome!
write for me
can you ?
Now for the important question
Is it not a love story if it doesn't have a happy ending? Does it make the love any less felt, any less real if it's unrequited? Think about it. The love is there, just not at the right times, or at the right places, but it's painfully, mindblowingly there --unrequited, unrecognized, rejected. It's still love, the protagonists feel it and die from it all the same. And who knows if there will be a fifth letter that never gets published?
You probably noticed that our two letter writers are nameless, genderless. I wonder if that made anyone wonder? Love is genderless, senseless, unexplainable, except by a very unromantic chemical reaction that I don't care to get into.
Not satisfied with the finale? Tough luck. Or maybe it's just your luck, because now you can complete the series in your mind with a different ending if you so wish. Who says you can't write a fifth love letter in your heart?
Teresa McGurk 3 years ago
Damn. Makes me think of the end of Casablanca, and the fact that there's always going to be someone left out in the cold, and that the someone is probably me. I think that if I received this letter I would be angry, and would think of the sender as a coward. As always, Elena, these letters are so gracefully written that I am caught up in the beautiful descriptions of emotions, as well as their meaning. This series of letters has helped me to lay a ghost to rest, and I'm very grateful for that. Besos y abrazos, amiga.